Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
The danger that passing on an investment or accepting certain terms sends negative messages to future investors. In VC, optics matter as much as economics—sometimes you reject money because taking it would look desperate.
A delightfully depressing portmanteau describing the growing army of hustlers who call themselves entrepreneurs but are really just unemployed people with a business card and a prayer. These brave souls combine the precarious instability of gig work with the delusion of startup success, making "founder" sound way better than "between opportunities." Welcome to late-stage capitalism's participation trophy.
The first major investor who commits to a fund or round, giving others confidence to follow. Like the first person to dance at a party—everyone was waiting for someone brave (or drunk) enough to start.
The VC's cut of investment profits, typically 20% of gains above a certain return threshold. How general partners get rich while limited partners provide the actual money—the ultimate performance fee.
A glamorized term for someone who decided that working for themselves would be less stressful than having a boss (spoiler: they were wrong). These brave or foolish souls start their own ventures, risking everything from savings to sanity in pursuit of the dream of being their own boss and working only 80 hours a week instead of 40. Every LinkedIn bio now includes this word because 'unemployed but optimistic' doesn't have the same ring to it.
Raising capital from numerous small investors through online platforms, democratizing access to startup investment and the opportunity to lose money on early-stage companies. Kickstarter, but instead of getting a T-shirt, you get illiquid securities.
A schedule requiring founders to earn their equity over time, typically 4 years with a 1-year cliff. The investor-imposed acknowledgment that founding a company doesn't mean you'll stick around to build it.
The AARRR framework measuring Acquisition, Activation, Retention, Referral, and Revenue—the key metrics for growth-stage startups. Named because AARRR sounds like a pirate, which is somehow still funny to founders.
A term in VC fund agreements where once LPs get their initial investment back, GPs get an accelerated share of profits until their normal split is reached. Basically letting the manager 'catch up' to their 20% after paying back investors.
The practice where investors force a startup to create or expand the employee option pool before a funding round, effectively diluting founders rather than new investors. It's a clever way to pay employees with founder equity.
Restructuring a company's capital stack—often a euphemism for 'things went poorly and we need to reset everyone's expectations and ownership.' Can range from modest adjustments to burning everything down and starting over.
Unspent capital sitting in a VC fund, waiting to be deployed into investments. The ammunition that lets VCs act fast when hot deals emerge or support portfolio companies needing emergency cash.
Additional money invested in a portfolio company after the initial round—either because things are going great and you want more ownership, or things are terrible and you're protecting your original investment. Hope and desperation look surprisingly similar.
The exhaustion investors feel after reviewing hundreds of pitch decks that all blur together with the same buzzwords and hockey stick projections. It's why your 'revolutionary AI blockchain solution' makes their eyes glaze over.
A wealthy individual who invests their own money in early-stage startups, typically because they're either bored with normal investments or enjoy the thrill of watching their cash evaporate in creative ways. These financial guardian spirits usually write checks between $25K and $100K in exchange for equity, mentorship duties they may or may not fulfill, and the right to say 'I invested in that' at cocktail parties. They're called angels because founders pray for them, not because they're particularly heavenly.
The strategy for how a fund allocates capital across different investments, stages, sectors, and check sizes. The art of arranging your bets so at least one or two have to work out mathematically.
Potential customers or deals that have been vetted and meet specific criteria, as opposed to raw leads. It's the difference between people who downloaded your whitepaper and people actually evaluating a purchase.
Investment opportunities sourced through unique channels rather than pitch competitions and cold emails, giving VCs the illusion they've discovered something competitors haven't. Usually just means they have better interns.
The phenomenon where the worst investment opportunities are most aggressively marketed to investors, while the best deals are oversubscribed and hard to access. If they're begging you to invest, run.
The revenue and costs associated with a single customer or transaction, supposedly proving your business model works before you scale. Often the awkward math that reveals you lose money on every sale but plan to make it up in volume.
A company that's neither thriving nor dying—generating just enough revenue to shuffle forward indefinitely but lacking the growth to succeed or the decency to fail completely. The undead of the startup ecosystem.
An overflowing supply of something (capital, resources, talent) that theoretically makes life easier but usually just creates new problems and decision paralysis.
A capital efficiency metric calculated as net burn divided by net new ARR, measuring how many dollars a company incincinerates to generate each dollar of recurring revenue. A burn multiple under 1.5x suggests efficiency; above 3x suggests a bonfire of investor capital.
A venture capitalist or firm that sporadically invests in startups outside their expertise or thesis, usually during hype cycles. They show up for the party, leave before cleanup, and wonder why founders don't return their calls.