Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
A minimum funding round size (typically $1-2 million) that triggers the automatic conversion of SAFEs or convertible notes into equity. It's the threshold that separates real funding rounds from friends-and-family pocket change.
The art of turning literally anything—your attention, your data, your grandmother's cookie recipe—into cold hard cash, typically by inserting ads or charging subscription fees. It's what happens when tech companies realize that 'free' products need to pay the bills somehow, usually by selling your eyeballs to advertisers. Essentially, if you're not paying for the product, someone's monetizing you.
The typical 10-year lifespan of a venture capital fund from raising money to returning capital to LPs, with investment happening in years 1-5 and exits in years 5-10. It's why your VC keeps asking about your exit timeline.
Veto rights that let preferred shareholders block certain major decisions like selling the company or raising more money. Democracy in theory, oligarchy in practice.
An IRS-mandated appraisal of your company's common stock price, required so employees don't accidentally commit tax fraud when exercising options. It's always mysteriously lower than what you tell investors your company is worth.
The continuous addition of new features to a product beyond its original scope, usually resulting in bloated, confusing software that pleases no one. The disease killing promising MVPs since software began.
Warrants or stock options added as sweetener to a debt deal, giving lenders upside if the company succeeds. Because apparently charging interest isn't enough—they want a piece of the action too.
A corporate entity investing for business reasons beyond pure financial returns, bringing industry expertise and potential partnerships along with capital. Either your best ally or a Trojan horse gathering intelligence for a future competitive assault.
A term in VC fund agreements where once LPs get their initial investment back, GPs get an accelerated share of profits until their normal split is reached. Basically letting the manager 'catch up' to their 20% after paying back investors.
The overwhelming wave of convertible notes and SAFEs that convert to equity during a priced round, often revealing a far more complex cap table than founders realized. The moment when chickens come home to roost, except the chickens are financial instruments.
A startup valued at over $1 billion that has never undergone the reality check of going public or getting acquired. Their unicorn status exists purely in the fantasy land of private market valuations.
The internal process VCs use to rank portfolio companies or investment opportunities from best to worst. A forced ranking system that ensures someone always gets picked last for dodgeball.
Investment opportunities sourced through unique channels rather than pitch competitions and cold emails, giving VCs the illusion they've discovered something competitors haven't. Usually just means they have better interns.
An entrepreneur driven primarily by solving a problem or advancing a cause rather than financial gain. They're the idealists who actually believe their mission statement.
A non-binding document outlining the key terms of an investment deal—think of it as a letter of intent that's about as reliable as a Tinder profile. The real fun begins when lawyers turn these bullet points into a 60-page agreement.
The power to vote on corporate matters, typically held by common stock and sometimes special classes of preferred stock. Theoretically democratic, practically controlled by whoever wrote the term sheet.
A capital efficiency metric calculated as net burn divided by net new ARR, measuring how many dollars a company incincinerates to generate each dollar of recurring revenue. A burn multiple under 1.5x suggests efficiency; above 3x suggests a bonfire of investor capital.
A fund agreement clause that allows GPs to reinvest early returns back into new deals rather than distributing them to LPs, extending the fund's effective deployment capacity. A controversial provision that LPs love to scrutinize because it delays their returns.
Potential customers or deals that have been vetted and meet specific criteria, as opposed to raw leads. It's the difference between people who downloaded your whitepaper and people actually evaluating a purchase.
The company valuation publicly announced or reported in the press, which may differ from the effective valuation once liquidation preferences and other terms are factored in. It's the Instagram filter for startup valuations.
A venture capitalist or firm that sporadically invests in startups outside their expertise or thesis, usually during hype cycles. They show up for the party, leave before cleanup, and wonder why founders don't return their calls.
The cultural expectation in startup ecosystems that successful entrepreneurs and investors should help newcomers, supposedly creating a virtuous cycle. In practice, it's often networking disguised as altruism.
The unethical practice where brokers excessively trade in a client's account primarily to generate commissions rather than profits, essentially treating your portfolio like a butter-making operation. In SaaS, it refers to the rate at which customers cancel their subscriptions, making it the metric that haunts every startup founder's dreams. Either way, it's excessive activity that benefits someone other than you.
A marketing term VCs use to describe their approach, supposedly indicating fair terms and supportive behavior. In practice, it often means 'we won't screw you quite as hard as the other guys.'