Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
Minimum Viable Product: the absolute least you can build before showing it to humans, which somehow always ends up being the final product. It's the software development equivalent of serving someone a raw potato and calling it a restaurant soft launch.
A competitive advantage so strong that rivals can't easily replicate your business, borrowed from medieval castle terminology because startup founders fancy themselves as kings defending their kingdoms. Most startup moats are about as deep as a puddle.
An ambitious, seemingly impossible project that aims to solve a massive problem, named after the Apollo missions because both require billions of dollars and a willingness to ignore the odds. For every actual moonshot, there are a thousand founders calling their food delivery app a moonshot.
The delicate art of figuring out how to extract money from something that users currently enjoy for free, typically resulting in a barrage of ads, paywalls, or premium subscriptions. This verb represents the moment when platforms transition from "community-building" to "shareholder-pleasing," often coinciding with users complaining that everything good gets ruined. Monetization strategies range from subtle to obnoxious, but they all share the goal of turning engagement into revenue.
Late-stage debt or hybrid securities used to bridge the gap between venture rounds and an exit. It's called mezzanine because it sits between the ground floor (equity) and penthouse (IPO).
A venture fund typically under $50M that invests small checks in very early-stage startups. They offer founder-friendly terms and actual attention, mainly because they can't afford fancy offices or ignore their investments.
A company culture claiming to make decisions based on data analysis rather than gut feeling, though which metrics get measured mysteriously align with what leadership already wanted to do. It's astrology for MBAs.
In medieval times, a water-filled ditch that kept invaders at bay; in modern business, the metaphorical competitive advantages that protect a company from rivals trying to steal its lunch money. Warren Buffett popularized this term to describe sustainable competitive advantages like strong brands, network effects, or regulatory barriers. The wider the moat, the harder it is for competitors to storm your castle and the more VCs will swoon over your pitch deck.
The most stripped-down version of your product that customers will actually use without demanding a refund—or at least that's the theory. In practice, it's whatever you can ship before running out of money.
Investment structured to release capital in tranches as the company hits specific targets, giving investors control and founders ulcers. Trust, but verify, but mostly don't trust.
The handful of key performance indicators that actually determine business health versus the vanity metrics founders cite in pitch meetings. Revenue and retention versus social media followers and press mentions.
The practice of revaluing portfolio companies to reflect current fair market value rather than cost basis, theoretically providing accurate fund performance but practically involving educated guesses and wishful thinking. Quarterly existential crisis as an accounting process.
The internal practice at VC firms of writing detailed investment memos that analyze potential deals. Where partners commit their hottest takes to writing so they can be mocked later when wrong.
The art of turning literally anything—your attention, your data, your grandmother's cookie recipe—into cold hard cash, typically by inserting ads or charging subscription fees. It's what happens when tech companies realize that 'free' products need to pay the bills somehow, usually by selling your eyeballs to advertisers. Essentially, if you're not paying for the product, someone's monetizing you.
The annual fee (typically 2% of committed capital) that VC fund managers charge to keep the lights on, whether or not they make good investments. The guaranteed money that pays for offices, salaries, and kombucha before carried interest kicks in.
An entrepreneur driven primarily by solving a problem or advancing a cause rather than financial gain. They're the idealists who actually believe their mission statement.
Surrounded by a protective water-filled trench, which in business parlance describes a company with such strong competitive advantages that rivals can't touch them. Warren Buffett made this term famous by obsessing over companies with "economic moats" that defend market share like medieval fortifications. These days, everyone claims they have a moat, but most are more like puddles.
The total value returned to investors divided by the total amount invested, ignoring time. It's the simple, honest metric that tells you whether you made or lost money, period.