Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
Lifetime Value—the total revenue a customer generates before churning, which you compare against acquisition cost to pretend your business makes sense. Usually wildly optimistic because it assumes customers stick around forever.
When a VC aggressively increases their investment in a portfolio company across multiple rounds, betting their career on being right. Conviction investing taken to its logical extreme.
Any exchange of goods, services, or money, elevated to sound more important when preceded by 'business' or followed by 'cost.' In startup world, it's the holy grail metric that proves people are actually using your product for its intended purpose rather than just kicking the tires. VCs obsess over transaction volume, transaction value, and transaction frequency as if counting exchanges of value will somehow predict the future.
Verbal commitments from investors to participate in a round that aren't legally binding, giving founders a sense of momentum that may evaporate when term sheets arrive. It's Schrödinger's capital raise.
Unspent capital sitting in a VC fund, waiting to be deployed into investments. The ammunition that lets VCs act fast when hot deals emerge or support portfolio companies needing emergency cash.
A startup that a VC firm has invested in, now living in their collection like a Pokémon card. Each firm has dozens, knowing most will fail but hoping one becomes a legendary holographic Charizard.
The moment when something new is officially unleashed upon the world, whether it's a product, company, or ship sliding into water. In business and tech, launches involve coordinated marketing campaigns, press releases, and the collective hope that people will actually care. It's the corporate equivalent of a grand opening, complete with champagne (or energy drinks, depending on the industry).
Late-stage debt or hybrid securities used to bridge the gap between venture rounds and an exit. It's called mezzanine because it sits between the ground floor (equity) and penthouse (IPO).
A venture capital fund owned and operated by a larger corporation to invest in strategically relevant startups. They bring money and potential acquisition interest, but everyone knows who they're really working for.
The industry dedicated to using living organisms and biological systems to create products, solve problems, and generally play god in the most profitable way possible. It's where biology meets engineering meets venture capital, resulting in everything from life-saving drugs to designer yeast that makes better beer. Think of it as science's entrepreneurial phase, where petri dishes can lead to IPOs.
The sacred privilege granted to investors allowing them to maintain their ownership percentage in future funding rounds by ponying up more cash. It's like a VIP pass that lets you keep throwing money at a company before it becomes wildly successful or spectacularly flames out.
An IRS-mandated appraisal of your company's common stock price, required so employees don't accidentally commit tax fraud when exercising options. It's always mysteriously lower than what you tell investors your company is worth.
A strategy where investors make many small bets, then heavily support only the winners in subsequent rounds. The venture capital version of throwing spaghetti at the wall, then only cooking the pieces that stuck.
Warrants or stock options added as sweetener to a debt deal, giving lenders upside if the company succeeds. Because apparently charging interest isn't enough—they want a piece of the action too.
The overwhelming wave of convertible notes and SAFEs that convert to equity during a priced round, often revealing a far more complex cap table than founders realized. The moment when chickens come home to roost, except the chickens are financial instruments.
The adjective slapped on every product, service, and startup pitch deck to signal 'we're doing something allegedly new.' Something innovative is supposed to be groundbreaking and forward-thinking, though these days it often means 'we added AI to it.' If your company isn't innovative, you're basically admitting you're stuck in 2005 with a flip phone.
Revenue minus cost of goods sold, expressed as a percentage—the fundamental measure of whether your business model makes sense before accounting for all those pesky operating expenses. VCs want this above 70% for SaaS.
The VC expectation that founders will make introductions, provide advice, and help other portfolio companies in exchange for investment and support. Networking as a contractual obligation.
Phantom stock or profit interests that mimic real equity without actually granting ownership, often used to incentivize employees without diluting founders. All the motivation, none of the control.
The continuous addition of new features to a product beyond its original scope, usually resulting in bloated, confusing software that pleases no one. The disease killing promising MVPs since software began.
The contractual right of existing investors to lead or participate in the next funding round before the company can seek outside investors. It's a first-look deal built into your cap table.
The cultural expectation in startup ecosystems that successful entrepreneurs and investors should help newcomers, supposedly creating a virtuous cycle. In practice, it's often networking disguised as altruism.
Emergency financing raised by a struggling startup at unfavorable terms just to avoid immediate shutdown. It's the fundraising equivalent of pulling the ripcord on a failing skydive.
Potential customers or deals that have been vetted and meet specific criteria, as opposed to raw leads. It's the difference between people who downloaded your whitepaper and people actually evaluating a purchase.