Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
A profitable company designed to generate comfortable income for its founders rather than pursue hypergrowth and venture returns. The entrepreneurial equivalent of choosing happiness over glory.
When VCs make investment decisions based on superficial similarities to previous successful startups rather than rigorous analysis. It's why they love Stanford dropouts building social apps in their dorm rooms.
The corporate buzzword for 'doing something new' that appears in every mission statement and keynote presentation. To innovate is to revolutionize or introduce novelty, though in practice it often means adding an app to something that worked fine without one. Companies that claim to innovate daily are usually just iterating on someone else's idea with a slightly different shade of blue.
The pattern where a venture fund initially shows negative returns as it deploys capital and pays fees, before (hopefully) shooting upward when investments exit. A graph that looks like the letter J, assuming your fund doesn't remain in the vertical downstroke forever.
A startup valued at over $1 billion that has never undergone the reality check of going public or getting acquired. Their unicorn status exists purely in the fantasy land of private market valuations.
The overwhelming wave of convertible notes and SAFEs that convert to equity during a priced round, often revealing a far more complex cap table than founders realized. The moment when chickens come home to roost, except the chickens are financial instruments.
A spreadsheet model showing how acquisition proceeds flow to different shareholders based on liquidation preferences and other terms—usually revealing that founders get far less than their ownership percentage suggests. It's where equity dreams go to die.
The person you start a company with based on four hours of friendship and mutual delusion, who will become either your closest ally or your most expensive breakup. Dating is easier than finding a compatible co-founder.
The theoretical benefit of being first to market, used to justify rushing out half-baked products. History suggests fast-follower advantage is more valuable, but that doesn't sound as impressive in pitch decks.
A funding event that technically keeps a struggling startup alive but doesn't provide enough capital or momentum to actually succeed. Life support masquerading as investment.
The time window (usually 3-5 years) during which a venture fund actively deploys capital into new investments, after which the GP is supposed to stop writing checks and focus on managing the existing portfolio. Think of it as the VC equivalent of last call at the bar.
The speed at which a venture fund invests its committed capital, often scrutinized as a metric of both deal flow quality and fund discipline. Too slow suggests weak deal flow; too fast suggests poor judgment and FOMO.
Keeping multiple strategic paths open while committing to none, often praised as strategic flexibility or criticized as inability to make decisions. The business equivalent of dating multiple people because you're 'keeping your options open.'
A corporate entity investing for business reasons beyond pure financial returns, bringing industry expertise and potential partnerships along with capital. Either your best ally or a Trojan horse gathering intelligence for a future competitive assault.
Patient, flexible funding that accepts below-market returns to achieve social impact alongside financial returns, pioneered by organizations like Omidyar Network. Capitalism with a conscience, or venture capital with lowered expectations, depending on your perspective.
Surrounded by a protective water-filled trench, which in business parlance describes a company with such strong competitive advantages that rivals can't touch them. Warren Buffett made this term famous by obsessing over companies with "economic moats" that defend market share like medieval fortifications. These days, everyone claims they have a moat, but most are more like puddles.
Additional investment in portfolio companies by existing investors in subsequent rounds. Doubling down on your bets or, less charitably, throwing good money after bad while hoping the first investment wasn't a complete disaster.
Short for 'carried interest'—the percentage of fund profits that goes to VCs as performance compensation, typically 20%. It's why venture capitalists drive Teslas even when most of their portfolio is worthless.
The total value returned to investors divided by the total amount invested, ignoring time. It's the simple, honest metric that tells you whether you made or lost money, period.
An environment so ripe for growth and innovation (or chaos) that ideas, startups, or scandals practically germinate themselves. Think of it as nature's incubator, except with better heating and fewer regulatory compliance issues.
A Silicon Valley term for marketing on a budget, dressed up to sound like you're breaking into a mainframe. In practice, it usually means spamming people on LinkedIn and calling it a strategy.
A funding round where the company's valuation is explicitly set and shares have a specific price—as opposed to convertible instruments where everyone kicks the valuation can down the road. Forces uncomfortable conversations about what the company is actually worth.
Financial projections showing what a company's metrics would look like under hypothetical conditions or future scenarios. Latin for 'as a matter of form,' startup-ese for 'this is the fantasy we're selling investors.'
The minimum return a VC fund must achieve before partners can collect carried interest—usually 8% annually. The bar LPs set to ensure their capital at least beats a boring index fund before the GP gets rich.