Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
When a startup prioritizes acquiring recognizable brand-name customers purely for credibility, even if those deals are unprofitable or unsustainable. It's the corporate equivalent of name-dropping at parties.
The AARRR framework measuring Acquisition, Activation, Retention, Referral, and Revenue—the key metrics for growth-stage startups. Named because AARRR sounds like a pirate, which is somehow still funny to founders.
A contractual restriction preventing insiders from selling shares after an IPO, typically 90-180 days. Because letting founders dump all their stock on day one would be honest but catastrophic for stock price.
Investors who prey on distressed startups, offering unfavorable terms when founders are desperate. They prefer the smell of burning runway in the morning.
The pattern where a venture fund initially shows negative returns as it deploys capital and pays fees, before (hopefully) shooting upward when investments exit. A graph that looks like the letter J, assuming your fund doesn't remain in the vertical downstroke forever.
A product development organization obsessed with shipping features rather than solving customer problems or delivering value. The startup equivalent of a hamster wheel—lots of motion, no actual progress.
Any exchange of goods, services, or money, elevated to sound more important when preceded by 'business' or followed by 'cost.' In startup world, it's the holy grail metric that proves people are actually using your product for its intended purpose rather than just kicking the tires. VCs obsess over transaction volume, transaction value, and transaction frequency as if counting exchanges of value will somehow predict the future.
Excess stock options or debt that will dilute existing shareholders, hanging over the cap table like a financial storm cloud. Future pain that everyone pretends isn't there.
The time window (usually 3-5 years) during which a venture fund actively deploys capital into new investments, after which the GP is supposed to stop writing checks and focus on managing the existing portfolio. Think of it as the VC equivalent of last call at the bar.
A financing round raised at the same valuation as the previous round, suggesting a company has neither advanced nor declined—essentially treading water while burning cash. More diplomatically acceptable than a down round but almost as concerning to investors.
Patient, flexible funding that accepts below-market returns to achieve social impact alongside financial returns, pioneered by organizations like Omidyar Network. Capitalism with a conscience, or venture capital with lowered expectations, depending on your perspective.
The venture capital strategy of seeking only investments with potential to return the entire fund, requiring massive exits. A portfolio approach that ignores solid doubles and triples in favor of swinging for nonexistent fences.
Making investment decisions at lightning speed with minimal diligence, named after Tiger Global's spray-and-pray approach during the 2020-2021 bubble. High velocity, low conviction, maximum FOMO.
A contractual provision that lets majority shareholders force minority investors to join in selling the company, whether they like it or not. Democracy dies in cap tables.
Restructuring a company's capital stack—often a euphemism for 'things went poorly and we need to reset everyone's expectations and ownership.' Can range from modest adjustments to burning everything down and starting over.
A financing round where new investors impose harsh terms on existing shareholders who lack the votes to block it. It's democracy in action, if democracy meant 'whoever has the most money wins.'
A buyout mechanism where one co-founder can offer to buy out another at a specific price, and the recipient must either sell at that price or buy the offerer's shares at the same price. The nuclear option for irreconcilable founder disputes.
A VC or advisor who has actually built and run companies rather than just invested in them from the sidelines. The startup equivalent of a war veteran versus someone who just played Call of Duty.
Services and resources VC firms provide beyond capital, such as recruiting help, PR support, or customer introductions. Marketing speak that ranges from genuinely useful to completely fictional.
The rate at which investment opportunities come across a VC's desk. Good deal flow means seeing quality startups before everyone else; bad deal flow means getting pitched by anyone with a Squarespace website and a dream.
A schedule requiring founders to earn their equity over time, typically 4 years with a 1-year cliff. The investor-imposed acknowledgment that founding a company doesn't mean you'll stick around to build it.
The strategy for how a fund allocates capital across different investments, stages, sectors, and check sizes. The art of arranging your bets so at least one or two have to work out mathematically.
The modern equivalent of passing the hat, except the hat is a slick website and you're asking thousands of strangers on the internet to fund your dream project, questionable invention, or potato salad. It's democratized investing meets collective optimism meets occasional fraud.
An anti-dilution mechanism that adjusts an investor's equity stake if the company raises money at a lower valuation, protecting them from down rounds. Full ratchet is brutal; weighted average is gentler.