The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
The chasm between the skills employers need and what job seekers actually have, often cited when companies can't find candidates willing to work for their offered salary. Sometimes it's a real shortage; sometimes it's just unwillingness to train.
An official complaint filed by an employee who feels wronged, usually involving a multi-page document detailing how management has failed them. It's the workplace equivalent of writing a strongly worded letter to your mother, except this one goes through HR and potentially arbitration. Often the opening salvo in what becomes an epic saga of meetings, documentation, and passive-aggressive email chains.
The resume buzzword that means you're willing to do literally anything because you're desperate to seem valuable. Describes someone who can competently juggle multiple tasks, though 'competently' is doing some heavy lifting here. The corporate equivalent of a Swiss Army knife, except you're the knife and your employer keeps finding new things to cut.
Corporate speak for 'oopsie, we did something illegal' that sounds vague enough for press releases. The catch-all term HR uses when someone definitely broke rules but lawyers advise keeping it ambiguous.範ges from expense fraud to ethical violations that mysteriously result in paid administrative leave.
The field dedicated to making organizations function better, with a success rate roughly equivalent to therapy for your company's dysfunction.
A way to pay employees partially in ownership stake instead of cash, which sounds great until the company fails or the stock becomes worthless.
A legal contract preventing employees from disclosing confidential information—basically a threat to never talk about what happens here.
Family and Medical Leave Act—U.S. legislation allowing employees unpaid leave for medical/family reasons. It's generous by American standards, which is sad.
A U.S. law entitling eligible employees to unpaid, job-protected leave for family or medical reasons—the loophole everyone uses when they need to escape the office for a while.
An organizational policy allowing flexible work arrangements—words on a document that managers interpret however they wish.
The allocation of work tasks across team members—often grossly unequal and never actually addressed despite anonymous survey complaints.
The extent to which a candidate's values and behavior align with company norms—or more cynically, whether they laugh at the CEO's jokes and drink the same craft beer. Often criticized as code for 'hire people like us.'
A talent assessment matrix plotting employees on axes of performance and potential, creating nine categories from 'top talent' to 'actively looking.' Where careers are decided in a PowerPoint slide during calibration meetings.
Human Resources Information System—software that manages employee data, payroll, benefits, and basically every detail of your employment life. The database that knows more about you than you remember about yourself.
A financial incentive paid to critical employees to prevent them from jumping ship during uncertain times like mergers, acquisitions, or major restructuring. Essentially bribing people to not abandon the sinking ship—or at least to stay aboard until it reaches port.
The practice of contacting a candidate's previous employers or colleagues to verify their claims and uncover potential red flags. Essentially calling their exes to ask if they were really as great as they claim.
An improved compensation package your current employer suddenly produces after you resign, proving they could have paid you more all along but needed the threat of your departure to motivate them. A relationship red flag disguised as a raise.
A benefits program allowing employees to choose from various options like a cafeteria line, allocating dollars across health insurance, retirement, and other perks. Provides choice while ensuring everyone complains about different things.
The process of confirming a candidate's work history, job titles, and dates of employment with previous employers. Fact-checking that reveals approximately 40% of resumes contain 'creative embellishments.'
Recruiting practices that remove identifying information from applications to reduce unconscious bias, like names, photos, or school names. Trying to trick hiring managers into being objective.
The corporate euphemism for reducing workforce size to cut costs, typically announced as 'right-sizing' or 'restructuring' to avoid saying 'we're firing people to boost quarterly earnings.' This strategic reduction involves eliminating positions, departments, or entire divisions while HR scrambles to explain how fewer employees will accomplish the same amount of work. It's capitalism's favorite way to improve shareholder value while destroying employee morale.
The systematic process of categorizing positions into hierarchical levels based on scope, impact, and complexity. It's corporate's way of creating a caste system with spreadsheet precision.
The percentage of employees who leave during a given period, the metric that determines whether HR gets bonuses or blame. It's gaming season when departments argue over whether layoffs count as 'voluntary attrition.'
A rigorous hiring methodology involving extensive interviews to ensure only 'A players' are hired, popularized by Bradford Smart. It's exhausting for everyone involved and assumes you can actually define an 'A player.'