The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
A talent assessment matrix plotting employees on axes of performance and potential, creating nine categories from 'top talent' to 'actively looking.' Where careers are decided in a PowerPoint slide during calibration meetings.
Recruiting practices that remove identifying information from applications to reduce unconscious bias, like names, photos, or school names. Trying to trick hiring managers into being objective.
A person working for experience instead of money, which is definitely a fair trade according to your employer. Often found fetching coffee and mastering the art of looking busy while learning that their degree taught them nothing about the actual job. The term technically means someone imprisoned, which feels surprisingly accurate around month three.
Expanding a role to include higher-level responsibilities and decision-making authority to increase motivation and satisfaction. Unlike job enlargement, this actually adds meaningful work rather than just more work.
A third-party organization that becomes the legal employer of workers on behalf of another company, handling payroll, taxes, and compliance. It's corporate outsourcing for the actual responsibility of employing people.
The delicate art of two or more parties pretending they have more options than they actually do until someone blinks first. In HR contexts, it's the formal dance between employer and employee where both sides know the salary range but spend weeks acting surprised by each other's numbers. Mastery of this skill requires equal parts poker face, patience, and the ability to say 'let me think about it' convincingly.
The corporate ritual of evaluating, measuring, and quantifying things—whether it's employee performance, property value, or how badly a project is going. It's the professional wrapper around judgment calls, complete with forms, metrics, and the illusion of objectivity. Everyone loves talking about "360-degree assessments" until they're the ones being assessed.
The ability to hold onto something like a clingy ex, whether it's information, employees, or magnetic fields after the power's turned off. In physics, it's the measure of how long a material stays magnetized; in HR, it's the metric that determines whether your company culture is a revolving door or a roach motel. Either way, it's all about not letting go.
A performance evaluation technique where managers document specific examples of effective and ineffective employee behaviors throughout the review period. Basically keeping receipts, but for HR purposes.
The reassignment of an employee to a lower-level position with reduced responsibilities, authority, or pay. The corporate walk of shame, now with paperwork.
The practice of having permanent employees and contract workers doing nearly identical jobs at vastly different rates and benefits, which is economically genius if morality isn't a factor.
An improved compensation package your current employer suddenly produces after you resign, proving they could have paid you more all along but needed the threat of your departure to motivate them. A relationship red flag disguised as a raise.
A contract restricting employees from joining competitors or starting competing businesses for a specified period after leaving. Increasingly unenforceable legally but still used to intimidate departing employees.
A benefits program allowing employees to choose from various options like a cafeteria line, allocating dollars across health insurance, retirement, and other perks. Provides choice while ensuring everyone complains about different things.
A person on payroll who doesn't actually exist or no longer works for the company, but continues collecting paychecks through fraud or administrative incompetence. The organizational equivalent of believing in paranormal activity, except the money really does disappear.
When employees receive expanded responsibilities, fancier titles, or 'growth opportunities' without corresponding salary increases. It's all the work of a promotion with none of the compensation—essentially a scam with business cards.
Acronym standing for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender—a community identifier that's spawned more variations than a software version numbering system (LGBTQIA+, etc.). In HR contexts, it's shorthand for diversity initiatives and employee resource groups. Originally four letters, now expandable to reflect the full spectrum of human identity.
Employee Assistance Program—a confidential service offering counseling, legal advice, and wellness resources, theoretically showing the company cares about your mental health while spending minimal money on actual support. The corporate equivalent of thoughts and prayers.
The gender-neutral superhero appointed to investigate complaints and fight institutional injustice—without the cape but with significantly more paperwork. This official mediator stands between aggrieved individuals and the organizations that wronged them, theoretically wielding the power to actually fix things. It's basically a customer service manager with actual authority and fewer people yelling at them.
A meeting between an employee and their manager's manager, skipping the direct supervisor in the chain. It's meant to provide senior leaders with ground-level insight and employees with exposure, though it often makes middle managers paranoid.
A flat organizational structure minimizing management layers and hierarchical levels, theoretically empowering employees and speeding decisions. In reality, it often just means unclear accountability and decision paralysis.
Corporate speak for 'oopsie, we did something illegal' that sounds vague enough for press releases. The catch-all term HR uses when someone definitely broke rules but lawyers advise keeping it ambiguous.範ges from expense fraud to ethical violations that mysteriously result in paid administrative leave.
A colloquial and often derogatory term for a junior or insignificant employee, typically used behind closed doors by managers discussing organizational hierarchy. Not to be confused with a Performance Improvement Plan, though the employees might be headed for one.
A temporary role or project designed to build specific skills or experiences needed for career advancement. It's like a stretch assignment, but with more corporate jargon.