The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
Firing someone for a legitimate, documented reason rather than at-will whimsy. Typically requires progressive discipline, warnings, and enough paperwork to deforest a small country.
An interview technique asking candidates to describe specific past situations rather than hypotheticals, based on the radical theory that past behavior predicts future performance. Questions always start with 'Tell me about a time when...'
The corporate buzzword that HR departments and marketing teams wield like a magical incantation to prove they're inclusive. While it technically just means 'consisting of different elements,' it's become so overused in mission statements and job postings that it's practically lost all meaning. Bonus points if you can fit it into a sentence with 'dynamic' and 'synergy.'
A feedback process where everyone in your orbit gets to anonymously roast you, ensuring that workplace grudges can be aired without accountability. It's democracy applied to performance reviews, which works about as well as you'd expect.
An HR metric attempting to quantify how good new employees are, as if human value can be reduced to a number. It's typically calculated long after hiring decisions haunt you.
The art of making a mediocre salary sound impressive by including things you already expected, like health insurance and the privilege of occasionally working from home. It's what recruiters mention when the actual paycheck is disappointing.
To keep employees from jumping ship to your competitors by offering just enough compensation, culture, or free snacks to make them stay. In HR circles, retention is the art of convincing talented people that the grass isn't actually greener on the other side. It's also what lawyers do when you pay them a retainer—essentially putting them on standby like a professional fire extinguisher.
The nerve-wracking performance audition where hopefuls prove their worth while secretly wondering if their backup plan is still viable. Originally from sports and theater, it's that special moment when judgment is rendered before you've even shown what you can really do. The corporate world borrowed this concept and rebranded it as 'probationary period' to make it sound less brutal.
The resume buzzword that means you're willing to do literally anything because you're desperate to seem valuable. Describes someone who can competently juggle multiple tasks, though 'competently' is doing some heavy lifting here. The corporate equivalent of a Swiss Army knife, except you're the knife and your employer keeps finding new things to cut.
The anthropological term for when cultures collide and one (usually the smaller or newer one) starts adopting the customs, values, and Starbucks preferences of the other. It's the process immigrants and minority groups experience when adapting to a dominant culture, or what happens when your startup gets absorbed by a corporate giant. Think cultural osmosis, but with power dynamics.
Paid time off following the death of a family member, because companies acknowledge you probably can't focus on TPS reports while planning a funeral. The exact definition of 'family' varies awkwardly by policy.
An employee-led group formed around a shared characteristic or life experience, such as ethnicity, gender, or interests. Think of it as corporate sanctioned cliques that actually promote inclusion.
A performance evaluation technique where managers document specific examples of effective and ineffective employee behaviors throughout the review period. Basically keeping receipts, but for HR purposes.
A temporary role or project designed to build specific skills or experiences needed for career advancement. It's like a stretch assignment, but with more corporate jargon.
A role, job title, or status within an organization; also, your strategic stance on a market, competitor, or issue (as in 'what's our position on price increases?').
Promotion to a higher rank, salary, or status; the reward system designed to keep ambitious humans grinding toward the next rung of the corporate ladder.
An elaborate plan to convince employees they actually want to stay, usually involving ping-pong tables and the promise of 'unlimited PTO' that nobody actually uses.
A worker identified as having the capability, aspiration, and engagement to rise to senior leadership roles. Commonly abbreviated as HiPo, because HR loves acronyms almost as much as favoritism.
A company's reputation as a workplace and the value proposition it offers to employees. The carefully curated Instagram version of your company that bears little resemblance to actual office life.
When employees show up to work but are unproductive due to illness, burnout, or other issues. The zombie state of being physically present while mentally checked out or too sick to function.
A vesting schedule where retirement or equity benefits become fully available all at once after a specific period, rather than gradually. You get nothing, nothing, nothing, then suddenly everything.
The partner who relocates for their significant other's job transfer or career opportunity, often sacrificing their own career in the process. Corporate speak for 'your career comes second.'
A benefits program allowing employees to choose from various options like a cafeteria line, allocating dollars across health insurance, retirement, and other perks. Provides choice while ensuring everyone complains about different things.
A payment incentive designed to keep critical employees from leaving during uncertain periods, paid upon reaching a specific future date. Bribery with a vesting schedule.