Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
A founder who prioritizes profitability and sustainable growth over hypergrowth and scale. Basically a unicorn with stripes, or what founders call themselves when they can't attract venture capital.
The sale of existing shares between investors, employees, or founders, rather than new share issuance. The legal way for early employees to cash out without an exit event.
The unofficial group of founders and investors who've experienced a billion-dollar valuation or exit. It's exclusive, pretentious, and they'll definitely mention it.
Later-stage funding rounds where the valuations get absurd and the investor meetings become increasingly surreal.
How much revenue from existing customers you retain (and grow through upsells) versus how much you lose to churn. The metric that determines if you're actually growing.
The percentage of revenue retained from existing customers after accounting for churn and expansion revenue. It's the metric that separates SaaS unicorns from SaaS failures.
The order in which classes of stock get paid in an exit event, determining who gets what money from the sale. The reason cap table lawyers exist and make inexplicably high hourly rates.
When a startup's growth is impressive but unit economics are terrible, making it simultaneously successful and fundamentally broken—named after investor Mark Cuban's famous critiques.
Sequential rounds of venture capital funding, each alphabetically closer to either massive success or spectacular failure.
In startup circles, the delicate art of hand-holding your leads, customers, or portfolio companies through their developmental journey with strategic attention and resources—because apparently letting things grow naturally is for gardeners, not venture capitalists.
An acquisition primarily designed to hire the team rather than use the product—basically human trafficking with a legal framework.
Subsequent funding rounds after Series A, each larger and more investor-filled than the last, until your startup becomes a 'scale-up' drowning in bureaucracy and VCs who don't use your product.
A firm that builds startups from scratch by hiring teams, ideating problems, and taking equity stakes. It's like a VC that does the hard part for you, but also owns a chunk of your company and probably has opinions about your product.
A clause that speeds up your equity vesting if certain events happen, like acquisition or being fired without cause. It's supposed to protect you but usually just makes the acquisition price higher.
A business model capable of achieving $100M+ in revenue within 10 years—the arbitrary threshold that separates venture-backed startup from small business.
Simple Agreement for Future Equity—a legal document that converts to stock 'later,' making investors believe they're taking less risk than they are.
The cost to acquire a customer through direct sales, as opposed to marketing. Typically much higher than traditional CAC, which is why enterprise startups have 18-month sales cycles and lose their minds.
A philosophy where you validate ideas quickly through experimentation rather than careful planning—basically expensive trial and error with a catchy name.
When a product becomes more valuable as more people use it, creating a virtuous cycle of growth. It's the holy grail of startups because it creates defensibility that's hard to compete against.
A professional investor who gives large sums of money to startups in exchange for equity and a seat on the board. They're part advisor, part critic, part gambler.
Getting covered in TechCrunch and experiencing viral growth you're completely unprepared for—basically media success transforming into operational failure.
A small, usually temporary roadside stand operated by children selling homemade lemonade to passersby. It serves as an informal introduction to entrepreneurship, customer service, and money handling.
A PowerPoint presentation that explains why your startup will either revolutionize the world or disappear within 18 months, with no middle ground. VCs will judge your entire company in 60 seconds based on your first three slides.
Whether an investor believes the founder is capable of building the company they're pitching—basically an investor betting on your charisma and work ethic rather than your idea.