The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
Full-Time Equivalent, a unit of measurement that reduces human beings to fractions. You might be 1.0 FTE, 0.5 FTE, or, if you're on three cross-functional committees, approximately 3.7 FTE squeezed into one salaried body.
The process of identifying who will take over key roles when current leaders leave, retire, or ascend to a higher plane of executive retreat. In practice, it means everyone secretly knows who the backup is except the backup, who finds out the day their predecessor quits.
Illegally treating employees as independent contractors to avoid taxes, benefits, and labor protections. It's wage theft with extra steps and a business model for the gig economy.
Digital training delivered through computers or devices instead of in-person instruction. Allows employees to complete mandatory compliance training while simultaneously answering emails and questioning their life choices.
A notice period where departing employees remain on payroll but are barred from working or accessing company resources, preventing them from sharing secrets with competitors. Paid time off for being too dangerous to keep around.
The corporate world's way of saying 'here's some extra cash for specific things' without calling it a raise. This could be travel allowances, housing allowances, or that sweet per diem that employees definitely use exactly as intended. In accounting, it's also shorthand for 'money we've set aside because we know something will probably go wrong.'
A structured model defining the skills, knowledge, and behaviors required for success in various roles. It's HR's attempt to reduce the art of doing a job well into a checklist.
A structured program where you learn a trade by actually doing it under an expert's guidance, as opposed to modern education where you rack up debt reading about it. The original learn-while-you-earn model that combines hands-on training with getting paid, proving our ancestors understood work-life balance before it was a buzzword. Historically how people became blacksmiths; today, how people become electricians without student loans.
The practice of openly sharing salary ranges, compensation formulas, or actual employee pay—radical honesty that supposedly reduces wage gaps but makes everyone uncomfortable at company parties.
A performance management system requiring managers to rank employees against each other and place them into predetermined categories, typically firing the bottom performers. Jack Welch's gift to corporate culture, also known as 'rank and yank.'
The mythical pot of money your employer promises to give you after decades of service, assuming the company still exists and hasn't discovered creative ways to restructure it away. It's the old-school retirement plan that's slowly going extinct, replaced by 401(k)s that shift all the investment risk to you. Europeans still have them; Americans mostly have fond memories.
Training employees in entirely new skill sets to prepare them for different roles, usually because their current job is being automated or eliminated. It's the corporate way of saying 'your job is obsolete, but we like you enough to keep you around.'
The unique set of benefits and experiences an organization offers employees in exchange for their skills and effort. It's the answer to 'why would anyone work here?' that marketing writes and reality contradicts.
Temporary workers, contractors, freelancers, and consultants who aren't regular employees. They're the corporate equivalent of a rental car: you use them when needed and return them without long-term commitment.
The art of making an employee's job so unpleasant they quit voluntarily, avoiding the legal and financial costs of termination. It's constructive dismissal with a euphemistic name and plausible deniability.
The practice of employees doing minimal work while waiting for stock options or restricted stock units to vest before leaving. Coast mode with a countdown timer.
A pool of qualified candidates cultivated over time for future hiring needs, like a farm system for employees. Requires significantly more patience than posting on Indeed when you're desperate.
The ratio of an employee's actual salary to the midpoint of their pay range, expressed as a percentage. A fancy way to calculate exactly how underpaid you are relative to market rate.
When there's little difference between the pay of new hires and experienced employees, or between different job levels. The phenomenon that makes loyal employees realize they should have job-hopped years ago.
A legally binding agreement specifying terms of employment including duties, compensation, and termination conditions. Rare in the U.S. where at-will employment reigns, but standard elsewhere in the civilized world.
The state of not being present where you're expected to be, meticulously tracked by HR departments with the enthusiasm of bounty hunters. In corporate settings, unplanned absences are treated like minor felonies, while planned ones require filling out forms in triplicate six months in advance. The number one cause of passive-aggressive emails from managers who 'just wanted to check in' about your whereabouts.
Employees who contribute nothing but somehow haven't been fired yet, occupying desks and drawing salaries like workplace furniture. HR knows who they are; everyone knows who they are.
The practice of comparing your compensation levels against market data to ensure you're paying competitively. The corporate version of checking if you're getting ripped off.
Software that manages job applications, resumes, and candidate communications throughout the hiring process. It's the black hole where your carefully crafted resume goes to die because it didn't contain the right keywords.