The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
A life insurance policy taken out by a company on critical employees whose death would cause significant financial loss. Your employer literally betting on how much your demise would cost them.
A surprise raise given outside the normal review period, usually because they realized you were about to quit or a competitor tried to poach you. It's the corporate equivalent of only fixing the relationship when your partner has one foot out the door.
An employee whose salary exceeds the maximum of their pay range, usually protected but not eligible for raises until the range catches up. Congratulations, you've hit the salary ceiling!
Dividing employees into categories based on strategic value, skills, or roles to differentiate talent strategies—essentially acknowledging that one-size-fits-all HR is ineffective. It's market segmentation applied to your own employees.
Fair and impartial in a way that considers everyone's circumstances, not just treating everyone identically like some kind of corporate robot. It's the difference between giving everyone the same size ladder and giving everyone what they need to reach the same height. In legal contexts, it refers to principles of fairness that supplement rigid law with actual justice.
The percentage of employees leaving an organization over a specific period, whether by resignation, retirement, or termination. The metric that keeps HR professionals awake at night calculating replacement costs.
Modifications or adjustments enabling employees with disabilities to perform essential job functions, required under the ADA unless they cause 'undue hardship.' It's the legal framework for accessibility that shouldn't need legal framework.
A state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged workplace stress. Now officially recognized by WHO as an occupational phenomenon, validating what employees have been complaining about for decades.
Legalese for "we actually have to pay you for that," typically applied to workplace injuries, overtime, or time spent dealing with work nonsense. If it's compensable, congratulations—your suffering has monetary value! If it's not, well, that's just character building, apparently.
Leadership style treating employees like children who need guidance and protection. Often masks authoritarian decision-making as 'caring.'
Unofficial reference checks conducted through personal networks rather than provided references, because everyone knows candidates only list people who'll say nice things. It's employment due diligence meets LinkedIn stalking.
The fancy French word for "employees" that makes Human Resources sound more sophisticated when discussing the people they're about to reorganize. This term encompasses everyone on the payroll, from interns to executives, united in their shared experience of mandatory compliance training. It's the collective noun that reminds you that you're not a person, you're a resource.
A goal-setting framework that sounds strategic until you realize everyone's OKRs contradict each other and nobody hits them anyway.
The act of keeping employees from fleeing to competitors, usually achieved through a combination of competitive salaries, stock options, free snacks, and the vague promise of 'culture.' When used in legal contexts, it refers to paying someone a retainer so they'll actually return your calls. Both definitions involve spending money to prevent abandonment.
That document you spend hours perfecting to summarize your entire professional existence into one or two pages, which recruiters will skim in approximately six seconds. It's supposed to showcase your skills and experience without lying too obviously, formatted in a way that's both ATS-friendly and human-readable. The verb form means to continue something you paused, like your career after explaining that two-year gap.
Immediately disqualifying a candidate without serious consideration, usually based on obvious disqualifying factors or minimum requirements. It's the HR equivalent of swiping left.
A career development structure offering advancement paths for both management and technical roles, allowing specialists to grow without becoming managers. It's HR's admission that not everyone wants to lead people.
A contract restricting employees from joining competitors or starting competing businesses for a specified period after leaving. Increasingly unenforceable legally but still used to intimidate departing employees.
The metric measuring days from posting a job opening until an offer is accepted. It's how recruitment teams are judged, incentivizing speed over quality in hiring decisions.
Career counseling and job search support provided to terminated employees, usually as part of a severance package. A company paying someone else to help you find a new job after they fired you.
A software system designed to make HR more efficient, which instead becomes a time-consuming portal where employees reset their passwords monthly.
A diagram showing the structure of an organization and reporting relationships between positions. A visual representation that's outdated approximately three days after publication.
The unique set of benefits and experiences an organization offers employees in exchange for their skills and effort. It's the answer to 'why would anyone work here?' that marketing writes and reality contradicts.
Furiously applying to dozens of jobs after a bad day at work, fueled by spite and Indeed's one-click apply feature. It's career planning meets emotional breakdown.