The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
An annual exercise where employees fill out anonymous surveys and nothing changes, yet somehow HR uses the data to justify their existence for another year.
A public employee review on the Glassdoor platform—anonymous workplace roasting that HR reads obsessively while pretending not to care.
Data-driven analysis of employee information to optimize workforce decisions. It's turning people into spreadsheets for efficiency.
The process of identifying and assessing the skills and competencies required for specific roles—essentially, a detailed way to prove someone isn't qualified for a promotion.
A proposed work movement where employees do only the bare minimum on Mondays—simultaneously more honest and more threatened by management.
Continuously recruiting for positions even if they're not currently open. It's like fishing, but with résumés and desperation.
Officially assigned or appointed to a specific role, duty, or responsibility—basically getting picked first, but sometimes you don't want to be picked.
The corporate euphemism for teaching your workforce a completely new skill set because automation just made their old job obsolete—think of it as professional reinvention with mandatory attendance.
When an employer abruptly cuts off benefits (especially healthcare) immediately upon termination. It's as welcoming as a metaphorical door to the face.
A diagram showing the hierarchy and reporting relationships within a company. It's the visual proof that someone important than you exists.
An employee's belief in their ability to succeed at tasks. It's the difference between 'I've got this' and 'I'm doomed.'
A budgeting approach where every expense must be justified from zero, which sounds reasonable until you spend three months justifying office supplies.
Measurable metrics that track employee or company performance. They're how HR translates 'are you doing your job?' into data.
The diplomatic way of saying 'I am seriously annoyed with you and everyone should know it.' A polite expression of maximum dissatisfaction.
The power to tell people what to do and actually have them listen—the holy grail of leadership. Also: a direct order that questions are not welcome to ask about.
A percentage that measures how much employees care about work, determined by surveys they fill out while questioning their life choices.
An employee marked for accelerated development and advancement. Often the target of 'special projects' that nobody else wants.
The process of bringing an international expatriate employee back to their home country office. Often involves culture shock in reverse.
The slow-burning anger that builds when you feel wronged, betrayed, or disrespected—basically the emotion that keeps people therapy-adjacent forever. The gift that keeps on giving (poorly).
Corporate-speak for 'we're getting rid of you through no fault of your own'—basically mass terminations triggered by budget cuts or business downturns, not performance issues. The nicer-sounding cousin of getting fired.
An employee who can do multiple things adequately, borrowed from tech terminology. Essentially, your one-person army before you hire a proper team.
Family and Medical Leave Act—U.S. legislation allowing employees unpaid leave for medical/family reasons. It's generous by American standards, which is sad.
Performance-based pay intended to motivate employees. Studies show it actually causes anxiety and internal competition instead.
A mandate forcing remote workers back to physical offices—a decision made by executives who never attended Zoom meetings anyway.