The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
The HR euphemism for firing someone that sounds vaguely threatening, like something Arnold Schwarzenegger would say before shooting a robot. Companies use this word because apparently 'fired' sounds too honest and 'let go' makes it sound like you're releasing a butterfly into the wild. When your employment is terminated, you're technically ended, ceased, and discontinued—which is exactly how your career feels in that moment.
The defined responsibilities, expected behaviors, and accountability areas assigned to a person within an organization; what you're supposed to do so your manager can measure if you did it.
The department that simultaneously manages payroll, health insurance, 401k plans, and the mounting resentment from employees who discover their insurance covers virtually nothing.
An affinity group for employees sharing demographics or interests, which provides community while corporations get free diversity initiatives without actually changing anything.
A meeting where managers compare employee ratings to ensure consistency and fairness, theoretically. In practice, it's where your fate is decided by people arguing over forced distribution curves.
The collection of non-salary benefits and amenities companies offer, from gym memberships to free snacks. Often used to distract from below-market compensation with ping pong tables and kombucha on tap.
An unscheduled performance evaluation that either means you're getting promoted immediately or fired quickly. The suspense is the worst part.
Positions that disproportionately impact organizational success, deserving extra investment in talent quality and retention. It's HR's way of admitting some jobs matter more than others, despite everyone being 'valued team members.'
The carefully crafted fantasy of what makes your company a great place to work, which differs significantly from the employee value proposition (survival and a paycheck).
An imaginary reservoir of qualified candidates that HR claims to maintain but suspiciously disappears when you actually need to hire someone.
A derogatory term for a union-busting scab who refused to strike with their fellow workers, thereby condemning them to continue toiling. Picture the ultimate workplace traitor with a stick where their spine should be.
The total financial and non-financial benefits offered to an employee—salary, benefits, PTO, and whatever other things we're offering to make up for mediocre pay.
When your current employer suddenly matches or exceeds a job offer you've accepted elsewhere. It's the corporate equivalent of 'wait, don't leave, I do love you.'
An employee identified as having significant advancement potential. It's the corporate version of being chosen as one of the special kids.
Teaching employees skills from other departments or roles—ensuring everyone can cover for everyone else's vacations.
To provide payment, benefits, or other consideration in exchange for services rendered or losses incurred—the art of making someone feel better about their suffering through the universal language of money.
Enforcing strict discipline or pushing employees to work harder. Thankfully, now mostly metaphorical.
The time it takes a new employee to reach full productivity. It's the polite way of saying 'you're useless for the first three months.'
A relationship where an experienced professional guides a less experienced one. It's networking with a life-size guidance system.
Team-building exercises designed to help people get to know each other. They break the ice in the sense of creating a thin layer of discomfort that melts slowly.
The specific skills and knowledge that make someone valuable in their role. Not the things you're pretending to be good at on LinkedIn.
Legal safeguards preventing retaliation against employees who report illegal or unethical company behavior. It's supposed to encourage speaking up, though in practice it often just ensures your career dies more slowly.
The art of watching over someone's work closely enough to catch mistakes but not so closely that you're accused of micromanaging—a balance most managers spectacularly fail to achieve. It's corporate-speak for 'someone's checking up on you' with a professional veneer. The boss's favorite word when they want credit for your accomplishments.
Any employment decision that negatively affects a candidate or employee based on background check information, requiring specific legal notifications under the FCRA. It's when your past catches up with you in triplicate forms.