Buzzwords that make boardrooms spin and PowerPoints sing.
A framework examining Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats, beloved by consultants who charge thousands to list obvious things in four quadrants.
Allowing employees to spend one day per week on passion projects, a perk famously offered by Google that most companies claim to have but somehow never actually schedule.
A metric supposedly measuring what matters, inevitably gaming behavior as people optimize for the KPI rather than actual success. Commonly abbreviated to KPI by people who measure many things and understand few.
So important that failure would be catastrophic, a designation applied liberally to everything from database servers to the CEO's preferred coffee brand.
Decisions imposed from executives downward without input from people who actually do the work, ensuring maximum misunderstanding and resentment.
A decision too important or risky for one's position, or more honestly, something you want no responsibility for when it inevitably goes wrong.
Adopting a defensive posture against external threats, inspired by pioneers who probably didn't actually do this but makes corporate defensiveness sound frontier-tough.
The foundational support structure, literally in construction or figuratively in arguments and business strategy. In corporate speak, it's the pretentious way to say "basis" when you want to sound more important. Every consultant's favorite word for describing whatever holds up their overpriced recommendations.
Abbreviation for "hundredweight," a confusingly inconsistent unit of measurement that equals 100 pounds in the US and 112 pounds in the UK, because why make international commerce easy? Still used in agriculture, shipping, and by people who enjoy watching others frantically Google conversion rates. A relic from when math was apparently more of a suggestion.
When something returns to bite you in ways you didn't anticipate, usually referring to strategies, policies, or decisions that backfire spectacularly. In HR and employment, it's also an employee who left the company only to return later, often for more money. The corporate equivalent of "I told you so" in physical form.
The corporate buzzword for "not destroying everything for future generations," now slapped on every product and mission statement regardless of actual environmental impact. It's the art of meeting present needs without compromising the future, though in practice it often means using recycled paper for reports about why we can't afford real change. Bonus points if you put it in your company values next to "innovation" and "synergy."
Someone who makes things happen by providing support or resources—or in the darker sense, someone who helps others continue destructive behaviors by removing consequences. In corporate settings, it's usually positive: the person who unblocks obstacles and empowers teams. In personal contexts, it's the friend who keeps lending money to your gambling habit.
The corporate art of dangling carrots to make people do things they wouldn't ordinarily do, typically through bonuses, perks, or the promise of not being fired. It's management's favorite verb when they need results but don't want to address systemic issues. Because nothing says 'we value you' like a gift card to incentivise better performance.
Corporate and academic slang for submitting incomplete work or doing a half-hearted job on something that clearly needed your full effort. It's the professional equivalent of turning in a book report after only reading the first three chapters. The phrase perfectly captures that "I tried but not really" energy.
A specialized team or department that provides leadership, best practices, and support for a specific focus area. Often a fancy title for a regular department trying to justify its existence and budget.
To generate, develop, or communicate ideas, typically in a brainstorming context. A verb invented because 'brainstorm' and 'think' weren't sufficiently corporate-sounding.
Relocating business operations or manufacturing to another country to reduce costs, typically labor expenses. A euphemism for 'we found people who'll do your job for less money in a different time zone.'
A profound or fundamental transformation, often used to describe major shifts in business strategy, market conditions, or organizational culture. Shakespeare's term for change, now deployed in quarterly business reviews.
Isolated and unable to communicate or share information effectively with other departments or teams. When your organization resembles a collection of medieval towers rather than a cohesive unit.
When a company controls multiple stages of production or distribution within its supply chain, from raw materials to final sale. The corporate equivalent of growing your own vegetables, milling your own flour, and baking your own bread.
Premium, highly personalized customer service with meticulous attention to detail. Named after the formal gloves worn by elite service staff, minus the actual gloves and often minus the elite service.
A situation where one party's gain is exactly balanced by another party's loss, resulting in no net change. The opposite of win-win, but arguably more honest about how most business negotiations actually work.
The corporate art of surveillance without subtlety, where a manager or supervisor watches you so obviously that they might as well be taking notes on a clipboard. Unlike bird-dogging, this comes with an extra helping of intimidation and the distinct feeling that someone's building a case against you.
Someone who acts on behalf of another person or entity, wielding their principal's authority like a borrowed credit card. In business, this is your talent scout, real estate broker, or literary representative. The term spans everything from insurance agents to secret agents, though only one of those gets the cool gadgets.