Soft Skills

Beginner 👥 Human Resources

Definition

The non-technical abilities like communication, empathy, and not replying-all to company-wide emails. They're called "soft" because the corporate world still hasn't figured out that they're actually the hardest skills to master and the most critical for not getting fired.

Example Usage

"My resume lists excellent soft skills. Translation: I can sit through a two-hour meeting without visibly losing my will to live." - A softly skilled professional

Related Terms

Intermediate

culture carrier

Employees who embody and propagate company values, serving as living examples of organizational culture for new hires. They're the people who unironically love the mission statement and won't shut up about core values.

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Intermediate

high-potential employee

A worker identified as having the capability, aspiration, and engagement to rise to senior leadership roles. Commonly abbreviated as HiPo, because HR loves acronyms almost as much as favoritism.

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Beginner

talent

A natural aptitude or skill, or in HR and recruiting speak, any human being with a pulse and relevant keywords on their resume. Corporate talent acquisition teams have elevated the hunt for 'top talent' to an art form involving bizarre interview questions and salary ranges that mysteriously depend on 'experience level.' The term makes employees sound like performing artists, which is fitting given how much acting is required in open-plan offices.

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Beginner

dismissal

The corporate euphemism for 'you're fired,' packaged in HR-approved terminology to minimize lawsuit potential. It's the formal act of showing someone the door, stripping them of their position, and sending them home to update their LinkedIn profile. Whether you call it dismissal, termination, or 'pursuing other opportunities,' it still means cleaning out your desk by 5 PM.

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Beginner

Team Building

Mandatory fun activities designed to make coworkers bond through shared awkwardness. Options include escape rooms where you discover your boss can't solve puzzles, trust falls that reveal trust issues, and cooking classes where Karen from accounting reveals she's a tyrant.

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Advanced

Right-Sizing

A euphemism for layoffs that implies the company was the wrong size before, like a pair of pants that needs tailoring. The people being let go are apparently excess fabric. It sounds strategic instead of devastating, which is the whole point.

👥 Human Resources

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