Severance

Definition

The parting gift a company gives you when they fire you, calculated to be just generous enough that you'll sign the NDA without too many questions. It's the corporate equivalent of a breakup gift -- here's some money, please don't tell anyone what happened.

Example Usage

"My severance package was two weeks per year of service and a reminder that the non-disparagement clause has no expiration date. What a beautiful goodbye." - A gagged former employee

Related Terms

Beginner

Mentorship

A professional relationship where a senior employee gives career advice to a junior employee, usually by telling them to do the exact opposite of what made the senior employee successful. The mentor gets to feel wise and the mentee gets anecdotes from 2003.

👥 Human Resources

Beginner

recruit

A fresh-faced newcomer to an organization who hasn't yet learned which meetings are actually mandatory or where the good coffee is hidden. In HR-speak, recruiting is the art of convincing qualified strangers that your company's 'unique culture' is worth trading their current misery for your brand of chaos. Military origins, because apparently hiring civilians requires the same strategic planning as assembling an army.

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

foxhole buddy

A trusted coworker you can rely on during workplace crises, conflicts, or political battles—your corporate survival partner. They'll cover your back during layoffs and won't throw you under the bus when projects fail.

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

skills gap

The chasm between the skills employers need and what job seekers actually have, often cited when companies can't find candidates willing to work for their offered salary. Sometimes it's a real shortage; sometimes it's just unwillingness to train.

👥 Human Resources

Beginner

headcount freeze

A corporate proclamation that no new positions will be filled, typically announced right after three people quit and everyone else is drowning in work. It's management's way of saying 'do more with less' without actually saying it out loud.

👥 Human Resources

Advanced

top grading

A rigorous hiring methodology involving extensive interviews to ensure only 'A players' are hired, popularized by Bradford Smart. It's exhausting for everyone involved and assumes you can actually define an 'A player.'

👥 Human Resources

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