Definition

Employee Assistance Program—a confidential service offering counseling, legal advice, and wellness resources, theoretically showing the company cares about your mental health while spending minimal money on actual support. The corporate equivalent of thoughts and prayers.

Example Usage

If you're feeling burned out from the 70-hour work weeks, don't forget we offer an EAP with three free counseling sessions.

Origin

Emerged in the 1970s, evolving from occupational alcoholism programs of the 1940s-50s

Fun Fact

EAP utilization rates are typically under 5%, either because employees don't know about it or don't trust that it's actually confidential.

Source: Employee benefits and wellness terminology

Related Terms

Beginner

Corporate Culture

The collection of unwritten rules, forced fun, and motivational posters that define what it's like to work somewhere. It's what the company says it values on the website versus what actually happens in the breakroom. These two things have never met.

👥 Human Resources
Intermediate

reasonable accommodation

Modifications or adjustments enabling employees with disabilities to perform essential job functions, required under the ADA unless they cause 'undue hardship.' It's the legal framework for accessibility that shouldn't need legal framework.

👥 Human Resources
Intermediate

hamburger method

A feedback technique where criticism is sandwiched between two compliments, creating a positivity-negativity-positivity structure. It's the culinary approach to telling someone they're failing, though most employees can smell the BS from a mile away.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

onboard

The corporate ritual of transforming a confused new hire into a confused employee with system access. It involves drowning people in orientation materials, compliance videos, and paperwork while expecting them to magically understand company culture. Tech companies have elevated this to an art form, complete with swag bags and mentors who are too busy to mentor.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

toxic work environment

A workplace so dysfunctional it could qualify as a hazmat site, featuring backstabbing colleagues, tyrannical managers, or both. It's what therapy sessions and Sunday night anxiety are made of.

👥 Human Resources
Intermediate

PIPs

Performance Improvement Plan—often the final step before termination disguised as developmental support. Plural form emphasizes that these are being distributed liberally, usually during reorganizations.

👥 Human Resources

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