acquisition

Definition

The corporate equivalent of Pokémon collecting, where companies buy other companies and pretend it's about "synergy" rather than eliminating competition. This process involves throwing obscene amounts of money at a target company, followed by months of "integration" that's really just figuring out whose coffee machine to keep. When tech companies do it, add a few zeros and call it "aqui-hiring."

Example Usage

After the acquisition, everyone received a cheerful email about "exciting new opportunities," which is corporate-speak for "update your LinkedIn."

Source: Common business terminology

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