The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
The extent to which a candidate's values and behavior align with company norms—or more cynically, whether they laugh at the CEO's jokes and drink the same craft beer. Often criticized as code for 'hire people like us.'
Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act—allows employees to continue health insurance after leaving, at eye-watering full cost. It's the law that proves your employer was subsidizing most of your healthcare all along.
A subjective assessment of whether a candidate will mesh with existing team dynamics and company values, often used as a polite cover for 'we just didn't vibe with them.' Has been criticized for perpetuating homogeneity and unconscious bias.
Short for comparative ratio, measuring how an employee's pay compares to the market midpoint for their role. The metric that confirms your suspicions about being underpaid weren't just paranoia.
The state of sticking together or working as one unit—what HR desperately hopes team-building exercises will achieve.
A performance evaluation technique where managers document specific examples of effective and ineffective employee behaviors throughout the review period. Basically keeping receipts, but for HR purposes.
A benefits program allowing employees to choose from various options like a cafeteria line, allocating dollars across health insurance, retirement, and other perks. Provides choice while ensuring everyone complains about different things.
A hiring philosophy focusing on candidates who bring new perspectives and diversity rather than simply fitting existing culture. The enlightened evolution of 'culture fit' after everyone realized that just meant 'people like us.'
A vesting schedule where retirement or equity benefits become fully available all at once after a specific period, rather than gradually. You get nothing, nothing, nothing, then suddenly everything.
A provision requiring employees to return compensation if certain conditions aren't met—basically, we might take back your bonus if you leave soon.
A vague promise in job postings that usually means below-market salary plus benefits everyone else offers anyway. It's competitive only if you're comparing against companies actively trying to underpay people.
The shared beliefs, behaviors, symbols, and unspoken rules that define how a group operates; the invisible operating system that determines whether your workplace is toxic or terrific.
The structured approach to transitioning individuals and organizations from the current state to a desired future state. In practice, it's PowerPoints about change curves while employees panic about their jobs.
The department that simultaneously manages payroll, health insurance, 401k plans, and the mounting resentment from employees who discover their insurance covers virtually nothing.
The total financial and non-financial benefits offered to an employee—salary, benefits, PTO, and whatever other things we're offering to make up for mediocre pay.
When your current employer suddenly matches or exceeds a job offer you've accepted elsewhere. It's the corporate equivalent of 'wait, don't leave, I do love you.'
A meeting where managers compare employee ratings to ensure consistency and fairness, theoretically. In practice, it's where your fate is decided by people arguing over forced distribution curves.
Teaching employees skills from other departments or roles—ensuring everyone can cover for everyone else's vacations.
The specific skills and knowledge that make someone valuable in their role. Not the things you're pretending to be good at on LinkedIn.
Enforcing strict discipline or pushing employees to work harder. Thankfully, now mostly metaphorical.
To provide payment, benefits, or other consideration in exchange for services rendered or losses incurred—the art of making someone feel better about their suffering through the universal language of money.
The process of identifying and assessing the skills and competencies required for specific roles—essentially, a detailed way to prove someone isn't qualified for a promotion.
The power to tell people what to do and actually have them listen—the holy grail of leadership. Also: a direct order that questions are not welcome to ask about.
A meeting where managers gather to debate whether their employees are actually 'proficient' or just seem competent compared to others, achieving nothing conclusive.