Securities

Definition

Tradeable financial instruments like stocks and bonds, given a name that implies safety despite being approximately as secure as a sandcastle at high tide. The irony of calling them securities when they can lose 50% of their value overnight is Wall Street's longest-running joke.

Example Usage

"He deals in securities for a living, which is ironic because nothing about his job makes anyone feel secure."

Related Terms

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DAGMI

Crypto-bro battle cry meaning 'Divine Anarchy Gonna Make It,' the hopium-infused mantra chanted when an NFT project's floor price goes up. It's the digital asset equivalent of manifesting abundance, except with more blockchain and fewer vision boards.

💰 Finance / Accounting

Advanced

special purpose vehicle

A separate legal entity created for a specific financial purpose, often to isolate risk or achieve off-balance-sheet treatment. It's a corporate subsidiary with one job, usually something the parent company wants plausible deniability about.

💰 Finance / Accounting

Advanced

Topside Entry

A journal entry made at the corporate level above the normal operational accounting system, often used for adjustments or consolidation. It's headquarters overriding local books, sometimes legitimately, sometimes suspiciously.

💰 Finance / Accounting

Intermediate

return on equity

How much profit a company generates per dollar of shareholder investment, or as executives call it, the only number that matters. Because shareholders' yachts don't buy themselves.

💰 Finance / Accounting

Beginner

appreciation

When an asset increases in value over time without you lifting a finger—the financial equivalent of your wine collection getting better with age. It's what homeowners brag about at parties and what makes early Bitcoin investors insufferable. The opposite of depreciation, and the reason everyone thinks they're a real estate genius in a bull market.

💰 Finance / Accounting

Intermediate

treasury stock

Shares that a company has issued and later repurchased, sitting in corporate limbo—not quite cancelled but no longer outstanding. The equity equivalent of taking back your gift because the recipient didn't appreciate it enough.

💰 Finance / Accounting

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Provost

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