merit increase

Beginner 👥 Human Resources

Definition

A salary raise based on individual performance rather than cost-of-living adjustments or tenure. It's the carrot companies dangle to make you work harder, usually sized more like a baby carrot than a normal one.

Example Usage

My merit increase was 2.5%, which doesn't even cover inflation, but I should feel grateful for the 'recognition' of my exceptional performance.

Origin

Performance-based pay concepts from the mid-20th century

Fun Fact

Average merit increases hover around 3-4% annually, meaning it takes about 18 years to double your salary through merit alone, assuming you're consistently exceptional.

Source: Compensation management and pay practices

Related Terms

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onboard

The corporate ritual of transforming a confused new hire into a confused employee with system access. It involves drowning people in orientation materials, compliance videos, and paperwork while expecting them to magically understand company culture. Tech companies have elevated this to an art form, complete with swag bags and mentors who are too busy to mentor.

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e-learning

Digital training delivered through computers or devices instead of in-person instruction. Allows employees to complete mandatory compliance training while simultaneously answering emails and questioning their life choices.

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upskill

Corporate HR-speak for teaching employees new abilities they'll need because their current jobs are being automated or eliminated. It's the gentle way of saying "learn this or become obsolete," usually delivered with a cheerful smile and a mandatory training module. Companies love upskilling because it sounds proactive and employee-focused, even when it's just delaying the inevitable restructuring.

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9-box grid

A talent assessment matrix plotting employees on axes of performance and potential, creating nine categories from 'top talent' to 'actively looking.' Where careers are decided in a PowerPoint slide during calibration meetings.

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trailing spouse

The partner who relocates for their significant other's job transfer or career opportunity, often sacrificing their own career in the process. Corporate speak for 'your career comes second.'

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Org Chart

A colorful diagram that shows who reports to whom, updated approximately never and accurate for about 48 hours after each reorganization. It's the corporate family tree, except family trees don't have dotted-line relationships.

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