Definition

To give someone the illusion of authority while retaining all actual decision-making power. Corporations empower employees the way a parent empowers a toddler by letting them choose between two pre-selected outfits.

Example Usage

"We want to empower our teams to make bold decisions," announced the CEO, right before requiring seven levels of approval to order new pens.

Related Terms

Beginner

Walk the floor

When executives leave their corner offices to briefly interact with regular employees, like anthropologists visiting a remote tribe. Often done before layoffs to identify who actually works there.

💼 Corporate / Business
Beginner

procedures

Formalized, documented step-by-step processes that dictate how tasks should be completed within an organization. They're supposed to ensure consistency and compliance, but often just ensure that simple tasks require seventeen approval signatures. Companies love creating procedures; employees love ignoring the ones that make no sense.

💼 Corporate / Business
Intermediate

enabler

Someone who makes things happen by providing support or resources—or in the darker sense, someone who helps others continue destructive behaviors by removing consequences. In corporate settings, it's usually positive: the person who unblocks obstacles and empowers teams. In personal contexts, it's the friend who keeps lending money to your gambling habit.

💼 Corporate / Business
Intermediate

suitnami

The inevitable catastrophic meltdown that occurs when a well-dressed professional overindulges at happy hour and loses all semblance of corporate composure. A tidal wave of poor decisions wrapped in business attire, typically witnessed at open-bar weddings and firm holiday parties.

💼 Corporate / Business
Beginner

actioning

The corporate sin of turning the perfectly good noun 'action' into a verb meaning to execute or complete a task. Because apparently 'doing' things is too pedestrian for the modern workplace.

💼 Corporate / Business
Beginner

PowerPoint

Microsoft's digital slide deck software that transforms simple ideas into 47-slide presentations with unnecessary animations. The corporate world's weapon of choice for turning 5-minute updates into hour-long meetings. Named after the futile hope that your presentation actually has a point.

💼 Corporate / Business

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