criterion

Definition

A standard or benchmark used to judge, evaluate, or make decisions about something—basically the ruler you measure things against. In tech and business, criteria are the specific requirements something must meet, like performance benchmarks or quality standards. The singular form that everyone forgets exists because "criterias" sounds so much more natural (but remains grammatically wrong).

Example Usage

The main criterion for our new hire is five years of experience with technology that's only existed for three years.

Source: Common business terminology

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circle the wagons

Adopting a defensive posture against external threats, inspired by pioneers who probably didn't actually do this but makes corporate defensiveness sound frontier-tough.

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stretch goal

An ambitious target unlikely to be achieved, set by managers who won't face consequences for the inevitable failure but will claim credit if it somehow succeeds.

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incentivize

The corporate verb for bribing people with rewards to do what you want, because "motivate" sounded too human and "bribe" too honest. It's the art of dangling carrots—usually cash, equity, or pizza parties—to make employees enthusiastic about objectives they'd otherwise ignore. Management loves this word because it makes manipulation sound like science.

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outsource

The corporate strategy of paying someone else to do work your employees could do, theoretically saving money while definitely creating communication nightmares. This business practice involves transferring jobs to external providers, usually overseas, then spending the "savings" on conference calls across seventeen time zones. It's how companies reduce costs on paper while increasing complexity in reality.

💼 Corporate / Business

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sea change

A profound or fundamental transformation, often used to describe major shifts in business strategy, market conditions, or organizational culture. Shakespeare's term for change, now deployed in quarterly business reviews.

💼 Corporate / Business

Advanced

greenmail

The practice of buying enough company stock to threaten a takeover, then selling it back to the company at a premium to go away. Corporate extortion wearing a business suit.

💼 Corporate / Business

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