Acqui-Hire

Definition

When a company buys another company not for its product but for its employees, which is the corporate equivalent of buying a house just for the kitchen. The product gets quietly killed while the team gets quietly absorbed and quietly regrets everything.

Example Usage

"Google acqui-hired our startup, which means they paid $10 million for our engineering team and immediately deleted everything we built, which our users didn't notice because we had seven."

Related Terms

Intermediate

first-mover advantage

The theoretical benefit of being first to market, used to justify rushing out half-baked products. History suggests fast-follower advantage is more valuable, but that doesn't sound as impressive in pitch decks.

🚀 Startup / VC

Advanced

protective provisions

Veto rights that let preferred shareholders block certain major decisions like selling the company or raising more money. Democracy in theory, oligarchy in practice.

🚀 Startup / VC

Intermediate

discount rate

The percentage discount early investors get when their notes convert to equity, rewarding them for investing before a priced round. It's the early bird special of startup investing, typically 15-25%.

🚀 Startup / VC

Intermediate

ARR

Annual Recurring Revenue -- the amount of subscription money a company expects to collect over a year, assuming nobody cancels, which they will. It's the startup metric most likely to appear in fundraising decks and least likely to match reality.

🚀 Startup / VC

Advanced

entreprecariat

A delightfully depressing portmanteau describing the growing army of hustlers who call themselves entrepreneurs but are really just unemployed people with a business card and a prayer. These brave souls combine the precarious instability of gig work with the delusion of startup success, making "founder" sound way better than "between opportunities." Welcome to late-stage capitalism's participation trophy.

🚀 Startup / VC

Intermediate

demonstration trap

When a startup gets stuck endlessly perfecting their product demo instead of actually selling to customers or raising funds. It's the entrepreneurial version of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

🚀 Startup / VC

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